9 Moons Ago

Eating an orange and having an iced coffee for breakfast. With a slice of cold pizza and a kosher dill pickle.

Playing with cars, trucks, tractors, a bunny, turtles and a stuffed wombat officially named “Brownie” with this fellow:

Good, good talks on the phone with wonderful family and friends who are welcoming me home and itchin’ to see me once again.

A blissful nap on the downstairs sofa, under a cozy blanket, while corny, but sweet, words of wisdom spouted from the mouth of Beaver’s Dad while the tv murmured in the background.

Helping my sister to set the table and my Mom to cook dinner for the family. Creating a centerpiece, getting out the candles, making dip and pouring ice cubes and water into a frosted green glass pitcher. One of the things that really feels like “home” to me is this very ritual.

Getting a round of laughter from the family, after telling my Dad, at the dinner table, that he’s “successfully raised 3 smart-alecs”, though I was censoring myself just a bit there.

A generous, and pretty, bag of gifties from “Sr. Chrissy” including a wonderful fleece blanket, red socks, lotion, bath poof and 4 pristine mad libs books! Whooo! Bring it on!

Having cinnamon stick tea out of delicate flowered china tea cups with my sister and friends, while sporting my new black and red “Optimus Prime” tattoo on the inside of my forearm. Thanks, Ike! I look so hardcore I’m thinking of making it permanent. It has flames and everything!

Playing the Charlie Brown Theme on the piano at the request of my 3 year old nephew because it’s “his favorite song” and also, conveniently, to help stall his departure for his home and bed tonight.

Stepping outside to put Isaac in his car-seat and both of us, along with my sister, Kathy, looking up at the clear crescent moon in night sky and relishing the overdue feeling of the crisp air creeping through my thin shirt into my bones once more, after a long, hot, baking summer. I love that Isaac looks for the moon just as I do, and has since he was a baby. I also love the flash of difference between feeling lovely heat on my face when outside in the daytime back in Melbourne, and the black night pressing a chill into my skin here at home in Pennsylvania.

Unloading a lot of complicated feelings and “memories and dust” to my Mother, brother and future sister-in-law and having them all be loving & supportive and offering the blessed gift of their listening, more than that of their advice.

Getting my comedy and news, rolled up into one, while watching the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. Right now, that’s where I’ll get a lot of my current events..eventually I’ll be able to work up to the newspapers.
And the comedy? Well, fellas -and ladies..who never seem to get enough credit on that show-… it’s pure comedic GOLD.
The WEEKLY cobbled-together International “Daily Show”, which was shown in Oz, pales in comparison. They need to work on that, big-time! It should be shown weekly, not WEAKLY.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow too..it’s an un-written story as of yet! I really hope my tattoo lasts for the whole week though! I may have to cover it with gauze and tape when I take a shower!

God, it’s so good to be back in the U.S.A.! I’ve missed you guys!

So, here is the thing: I’m going home for several reasons. Going HOME on Monday.

I will be going to finish my recovering from a month long START of a relapse of bipolar disorder. It was NOT to the stage of mania. It basically meant that I was being hyper and impulsive and paranoid and scattered enough for a change in medication. But things have balanced out now.

My brother and his fiance are getting married in June. I will be a reader at the wedding, and am apparently needed at a bachlorette party, bridal shower, and as an interior design consultant on a new home. Whew!

My sister and her husband are having baby no. 2 at the end of August. YAY! And their new home is so nice that they are able to set me up with a GUEST ROOM (!) so I can help take care of my sister and babysit Isaac and help them run the dustbuster and stuff. I think they even have cable..which is so cool, I don’t care what my anti-tv friends say: sometimes you just have to watch music videos and late-night comedy talk shows!

My parents will love having me home too, not only for me just being THERE again, but because I am so ready to help them get their house into SHAPE. Lots of cooking of healthy meals, and cleaning out of useless stuff, which is one thing I’ve always liked to do: cull the clutter!

And then there are all the usual holidays that I always miss out on: Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, 4th of July, Halloween, Birthdays and all the family events and reunions.

To say that I’m happy, am thrilled, to be returning to my hometown, (even though it may be it suburban and polluted), is the understatement of the century.

I am also going home to find myself, truly. No lies about what I do and don’t want in my life. These are major major changes…and I feel that all of them are good, even though I am quite aware that it will not all be sunshine and light. There will be struggles, and there will be hurt..but I expect that to be outweighed by tremendous JOY. Joy which I have denied myself for too long.

That is right. I am coming HOME. And I’m not going to be looking back. I am looking forward. Old friends, new friends, new ventures, new work and play. Just being whole again for the first time in a long while, without feeling someone pressuring me. Without pressuring myself to do things which I do not agree with, nor believe in. Yes, it is that serious.

But it is going to be seriously fun, freeing and..did I mention FUN?!! FUN!

Hey guys! I’m coming OVA!

(I am listening to songs by Liam Finn online, but want to buy his album, “I’ll be lightning”, sometime soon. Music is always a help at any time like this…or any time, really.)

Yesterday, Cameron and I made a visit to the beach and spent the day happily collecting shells, wading, taking photos and walking in the surf.

I can’t believe how little time we have together now, but I think we are both ready for it, as much as we can be. My stay in the U.S. is going to be a long one, because I am staying for many months, indefinitely. I have spent far too many years away from my family and friends, and my mental health is literally at stake over the whole thing, due to my bipolar disorder, in part. I need my support system around me, not that I don’t have one in Melbourne; but even the landscapes and culture of my homeland are things from which I feel torn. I also often miss out on seeing people I intend to visit, with such a short window of opportunity during visits, especially in the winter, with bad weather and busy holidays.

My brother gets married in June and my sister is having a baby in August, and I don’t want to miss out on Easter, Mother’s Day, 4th of July, Birthdays, Christmas or the simple everyday fun we have as a close knit group, yet again this year. Cam is going to try and get to my brother’s wedding in June. Then it will be played by ear. There is much more that goes into the whole thing, and it will be explained later on, after I’ve had some time to sort out feeling, needs, wants and the rest.

But, back to the beach.

It was a gorgeous day, warm with a brisk and refreshing breeze and we’d wanted to eat at our favourite restaurant there, but found out that a bill had been payed from our bank account earlier than expected, so the funds were not there.
We ended up compromising and going to a small Turkish restaurant, which was just as good, because the food and service there are excellent, and they play lovely Middle Eastern music. I love the atmosphere. (It is not the same one which I mentioned here before, Cafe Umut. I’ll give you the name of this shop once I look up the right spelling.)

The girl who brought us our meals seemed happy and breezy as she prepared things, and she did a little dance when walking back and forth from the kitchen. I smiled and laughed with her, at her playful manner. Cameron and I found that it was a blessing in disguise to be eating here rather than the other restaurant. Just as good a meal, for less cost, good music and a happy, yet quiet, atmosphere. We were the only ones in the place at the time, because it was just about 3 pm.

As we were paying our bill, and getting ready to leave, the girl who had served us said to me, “I can’t let you go without telling you that you have such beautiful eyes! I just had to tell you that!” And I thanked her for that sweetness. I was really taken aback, because it’s a rare thing for someone to come forward like that to be so complimentary. I was touched and it made my day that much brighter.

It just makes me think that if we treated each other this way all the time, how wonderful would our life become? Sure, we all have our grumpy, sour or blah moments, but focusing on other people to smile and laugh with them, or tell them something positive about themselves seems like a most important thing to me, even if the words aren’t many. Something she said, which could seem little, had made my day. Maybe some people live this way every day. I hope to become one of them! Are you up for the challenge? I call for more genuine compliments for people we do, and do not, know! It seems so important in days like these. It IS so important!

In my early college years at Moore College of Art and Design, I subsisted, along with all the other freshman and sophomores in my dorm, on the most unhealthy diet of breakfast cereal and ice cream. There were a few dishes on the menu that we dared to try, in order to gain our meager allowance of nutrients and roughage. These ones we ate were the dishes that did NOT contain every recycled vegetable from the last week’s entire menu. I’ve never been offered squash, green beans, lima beans and corn in so many different dishes in a consecutive four day period before, or since.

One way we got some nutrition, besides all those bananas in the ice cream sundaes, was through juice. My favorite was cranberry juice. This was not a weak, pale cousin to cranberry juice. It was not a blend, nor a cocktail. It was 100% nice and tart cranberry juice..or close enough to 100%!

Wandering the store aisles these days, I read the apple juice and sugar content in the cranberry juice bottles and sigh and replace them back to the shelf. I am not sure why there doesn’t seem to be anything more potent than 20% cranberry …unless it’s just because I’ve been in Australia too long and Australian people get a whole different kind of “American” food product over here… but that’s another story…

So I had a flash of inspiration, and I will share my new recipe with you..for those too lazy or poor to make juice from 100% cranberry.

One bag of store-bought ice, because it makes it easy in the summer, when you can go through ice quite quickly:
Add enough ice to the glass to give you some water, so you are being a bit healthy.
Juice of your choice. (Or cordial for your Aussies)
And lemonade, can be carbonated or not. I make it strawberry lemonade: Whatever kind of light refreshing beverage you like, basically.
The secret ingredient: a handful of frozen cranberries.
A straw.

By the time you finish your drink, your cranberries have thawed and are ready to munch on..and some have filled up with juice, others are a bit icy. I find it nice. Especially because I like it TART!

Mmm..The box of cranberries can last you quite a while too. Mine lasted for two weeks. I’m ready for one more box, but I may let it wait, because I’m only here for ONE WEEK and then it’s off to Pennsylvania with me to come home to my loving family and friends…and start up a new chapter in my life. And share in the beautiful ever-expanding life of my family.

I feel quite fulfilled and also expectant. I will be sharing more of the goodness I am finding in my life, despite the rough patches, in the coming months.
Much love to all of you who have helped and encouraged me on this path!
Life is getting good again. I am well on my way to being well again.
xo Amy