Yesterday was a mix of good family stuff & not-so-good medical. Blahhh. Stuff. At least 1 more surgery needed, decisions need to be made. They found precancerous cells during the operation to remove the cancer.. Add infection (OUCH) and a jammed finger (which has been hurting like crazy) to the mix. Will update everyone after Monday when I see the Dr. again. Good things: air conditioning, British comedies, Watermelon Italian Ice, Grape Soda and.. Watermelon. Which I’m off to fetch presently. As my Sister put it, so perfectly, “Cancer can kiss my ass!”

Hello all. Relay for Life was a blast on the weekend! Pictures and videos can be found here: Relay for Life 2010

I’ve had lab tests, bloodwork, an mri and a bunch of other stuff that all points to my being ready for surgery (a partial mastectomy/lumpectomy) on July the 15th. People have asked me if I’m nervous, but the truth is, not really. I feel positive, hopeful and just take each day as it comes. This is all possible because I have health care and the most overwhelming support from family, friends and the medical professionals that I’ve seen. This will be an outpatient procedure. I will be going home the same day. Incredible what advances in medicine there have been in just five years, let alone since my Grandmother was diagnosed in the late 1950s. She left this world too soon, but her daughter, my Aunt Mary, is a survivor as well, and there are so many others I know who have fought back and won their battles with cancer.

They tell me I’ll have chemo once I’ve recovered from the surgery, and after that, radiation. There is more to talk about concerning those subjects, but I won’t get ahead of myself. Just going to focus on the next step. I will update you when I come to those bridges.

Speaking of Bridges, I watched an old episode of The Closer with Mom tonight, and I think Beau Bridges is stunning in a frock!

I am very much loving the sound of steady rain for a greater part of today. It’s been so dry outside, and so long without it, that I am not listening to music for a change. The rain is a pleasant song tonight.

And I’m still being a goofball, no need to fear any change from that!:

Double Vision.

Fun With Broken Sunglasses.

Self Portrait With Olympus

Well, there is no easy way to break the news.
In this post I am telling closest family and friend, alike. Until now I’ve only told a handful of people. I decided I wanted some time to process it all before putting it out there for folks to read.

In the past few weeks, I’ve been in and out of doctors’ office’s and the Women’s Health Center for exams, mammograms, ultrasound and a biopsy. On the fourth of June, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
The good news is that it is one spot, very small, isn’t fast-growing and the doctors and nurses I have talked to all have said that there is no question that I will recover from this. One doctor said that he can’t say that to all women who are diagnosed, but that, with treatment, I will be just fine.

I am scheduled to have an mri next week, so they can detect anything else that might look suspicious. After that I’ll meet with my doctor to schedule surgery, which will remove the nodule and a bit of the tissue surrounding it. After the surgery, I will have radiation and chemo treatments and will lose my hair, temporarily. That’s actually one of the things that will be hard for me, I have to admit. There are times when it all feels overwhelming and scary, but they’ve given me lots of great information about what to expect and numbers to call if I need help with anything. For the most part, I am happy and working on sewing projects, photography and gardening. Lots of good get-togethers with friends and family are in the works, too.

So, I’m sure I’ll be filling everyone in, as I learn more myself. Please feel free to ask any questions you might have, I won’t be offended. And also feel free to pass this along to any mutual family and friends, especially if they don’t spend any/much time online.

I guess God/the Universe/Whatever-you-like-to call-it decided I was ready for another big challenge! Personally, I wouldn’t have minded a little bit of a break, since I’ve just been getting back on my feet after a doozy of a year in 2008. But it is not up to me, and I won’t stress over what can not be changed. Actually, I have to admit that this year I have been feeling more inner-strength. Might as well put it to good use! :-D

Taking it one day at a time!
Lots of love to all my amazing supporters!
xoxoxo Amy

Today I am feeling so much hope and happiness. I have a sense of the upward spiral beginning again. Thank you all for your concern. Got a nice haircut today and haven’t felt low in a couple of days. Played guitar and piano and took a walk with Ike and enjoyed every minute of it. Feeling flat at times, but it’s easier to laugh and feel alive. Please don’t worry, I’m OK. Love to all! xo Amy

Well, I have done it again.
Last week I was in the hospital for a little under a week, to help me get back on track with my sleeping and meds. I have bipolar disorder and have written about it several times already. Feel free to browse the archives. (They are a little messed up at the moment, so it will take some wading, but it’s worth it, in my humble opinion, if you want some insight from someone who lives with this daily.)
The hospital is not the thing that I want to write about at the moment, though.
I want to write about a fun, yet not-so-fun, aspect of this illness.

The celebrity crushes.

I am not sure if anyone else with bipolar disorder routinely suffers from this weird affliction, but I certainly do.

I was first diagnosed with mental illness in 1995, when I’d just turned 21. About September 30, to be exact. At the time I broke down I was at an R.E.M. concert. And my crush was a certain Mr. John Michael Stipe. (I’ll never get over that one, I’m afraid..he was a crush since I was 16. Too bad he’s gay! ;-D )

Well, that crush was the one that lead me to believe that he was in the hospital with me. I told my friend, Tammy, that one over the phone and she half-believed it and was, needless to say, very very confused! Hee hee.

Fast forward to my next hospitalization, and it’s February 2005, Melbourne Australia. I am in the hospital because I believed that Garrison Keillor was sending me dedications over the radio. Yes, everyone reminded me of his age, his looks and that he had a wife and child. That didn’t make it any easier. I decided I needed to get over that one, but it was a painful process. Did I mention that I had a husband at the time? Yes, indeed. That was not my concern. Also, this husband took me to the Melbourne R.E.M. show, where I got to meet Mike and Peter. Can you say “Make the crazy woman even higher without the aid of cocaine?!” Yes, I knew you could! However, since Garrison was supposedly out of the picture, I went back to crushing on Michael and could not believe he had the audacity not to show up to the bar where we were hanging out with the other guys.
I KNOW!

Now it’s three years later and I’m crushing on someone new. He’s 12 years older than me, has grey hair, blue eyes, freckles, is Glaswegian and so hilarious. I watch him at 12:30 am because I knocked out a deal with my family about my bedtime schedule. (Routine is very important when one has bipolar disorder.) He’s a talk show host named Craig Ferguson. I’ve scared my sister good already. I don’t know if she knows, but I’ve read an entire book written by him and watched a movie called “Saving Grace” which he wrote and starred in.. Mom agrees it is great. However, I won’t be trying to email him or get in touch with him because, though I have mental illness, I AM NOT CRAZY! :-D HAaaa.

Crazytown is where I live right now, but it’s not where I want to reside forever. So I’ll crush from afar, and maybe, just maybe I’ll end up crushing on Stipe again after this next concert on June 16…guess who? That’s right! R.E….. oh, you know the story of my life already…. so I’ll just shut up and sigh over this new-to-me drummer/author/actor/writer/comedian. *SIGH*

So, who are YOUR crushes? Crazy or not. Celebrity or nae…