9 Moons Ago

Today, on her lunch break, my brother’s fiance, Allison, stopped by with a bouquet of red carnations from her and Dan. And I love carnations..and red! Red roses? Not so much. Any other flower in red..yes, yes yes!

Last night was rough..night time can be a doozy sometimes, these days..but today felt pretty good, and I got to visit with good neighbours who have been friends for years.

Watched some R.E.M. footage online ..they have a piece of live footage daily check their website, R.E.M. HQ for details, or follow this link:

ninetynights

..I think it’s filmed till their album comes out. It’s called ninety nights. My fav part? Michael Stipe eye candy. Yeah..I love the music, but have already told you I will always have a crush. Please shut up already.

Actually, no one tells me this is stupid anyway…I mean my Mom calls Tom Brokaw “her boyfriend”. (Shhhh…. you didn’t hear that from me: ixnay on the omtay rokawbay)

Eating an orange and having an iced coffee for breakfast. With a slice of cold pizza and a kosher dill pickle.

Playing with cars, trucks, tractors, a bunny, turtles and a stuffed wombat officially named “Brownie” with this fellow:

Good, good talks on the phone with wonderful family and friends who are welcoming me home and itchin’ to see me once again.

A blissful nap on the downstairs sofa, under a cozy blanket, while corny, but sweet, words of wisdom spouted from the mouth of Beaver’s Dad while the tv murmured in the background.

Helping my sister to set the table and my Mom to cook dinner for the family. Creating a centerpiece, getting out the candles, making dip and pouring ice cubes and water into a frosted green glass pitcher. One of the things that really feels like “home” to me is this very ritual.

Getting a round of laughter from the family, after telling my Dad, at the dinner table, that he’s “successfully raised 3 smart-alecs”, though I was censoring myself just a bit there.

A generous, and pretty, bag of gifties from “Sr. Chrissy” including a wonderful fleece blanket, red socks, lotion, bath poof and 4 pristine mad libs books! Whooo! Bring it on!

Having cinnamon stick tea out of delicate flowered china tea cups with my sister and friends, while sporting my new black and red “Optimus Prime” tattoo on the inside of my forearm. Thanks, Ike! I look so hardcore I’m thinking of making it permanent. It has flames and everything!

Playing the Charlie Brown Theme on the piano at the request of my 3 year old nephew because it’s “his favorite song” and also, conveniently, to help stall his departure for his home and bed tonight.

Stepping outside to put Isaac in his car-seat and both of us, along with my sister, Kathy, looking up at the clear crescent moon in night sky and relishing the overdue feeling of the crisp air creeping through my thin shirt into my bones once more, after a long, hot, baking summer. I love that Isaac looks for the moon just as I do, and has since he was a baby. I also love the flash of difference between feeling lovely heat on my face when outside in the daytime back in Melbourne, and the black night pressing a chill into my skin here at home in Pennsylvania.

Unloading a lot of complicated feelings and “memories and dust” to my Mother, brother and future sister-in-law and having them all be loving & supportive and offering the blessed gift of their listening, more than that of their advice.

Getting my comedy and news, rolled up into one, while watching the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. Right now, that’s where I’ll get a lot of my current events..eventually I’ll be able to work up to the newspapers.
And the comedy? Well, fellas -and ladies..who never seem to get enough credit on that show-… it’s pure comedic GOLD.
The WEEKLY cobbled-together International “Daily Show”, which was shown in Oz, pales in comparison. They need to work on that, big-time! It should be shown weekly, not WEAKLY.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow too..it’s an un-written story as of yet! I really hope my tattoo lasts for the whole week though! I may have to cover it with gauze and tape when I take a shower!

God, it’s so good to be back in the U.S.A.! I’ve missed you guys!

Yesterday, Cameron and I made a visit to the beach and spent the day happily collecting shells, wading, taking photos and walking in the surf.

I can’t believe how little time we have together now, but I think we are both ready for it, as much as we can be. My stay in the U.S. is going to be a long one, because I am staying for many months, indefinitely. I have spent far too many years away from my family and friends, and my mental health is literally at stake over the whole thing, due to my bipolar disorder, in part. I need my support system around me, not that I don’t have one in Melbourne; but even the landscapes and culture of my homeland are things from which I feel torn. I also often miss out on seeing people I intend to visit, with such a short window of opportunity during visits, especially in the winter, with bad weather and busy holidays.

My brother gets married in June and my sister is having a baby in August, and I don’t want to miss out on Easter, Mother’s Day, 4th of July, Birthdays, Christmas or the simple everyday fun we have as a close knit group, yet again this year. Cam is going to try and get to my brother’s wedding in June. Then it will be played by ear. There is much more that goes into the whole thing, and it will be explained later on, after I’ve had some time to sort out feeling, needs, wants and the rest.

But, back to the beach.

It was a gorgeous day, warm with a brisk and refreshing breeze and we’d wanted to eat at our favourite restaurant there, but found out that a bill had been payed from our bank account earlier than expected, so the funds were not there.
We ended up compromising and going to a small Turkish restaurant, which was just as good, because the food and service there are excellent, and they play lovely Middle Eastern music. I love the atmosphere. (It is not the same one which I mentioned here before, Cafe Umut. I’ll give you the name of this shop once I look up the right spelling.)

The girl who brought us our meals seemed happy and breezy as she prepared things, and she did a little dance when walking back and forth from the kitchen. I smiled and laughed with her, at her playful manner. Cameron and I found that it was a blessing in disguise to be eating here rather than the other restaurant. Just as good a meal, for less cost, good music and a happy, yet quiet, atmosphere. We were the only ones in the place at the time, because it was just about 3 pm.

As we were paying our bill, and getting ready to leave, the girl who had served us said to me, “I can’t let you go without telling you that you have such beautiful eyes! I just had to tell you that!” And I thanked her for that sweetness. I was really taken aback, because it’s a rare thing for someone to come forward like that to be so complimentary. I was touched and it made my day that much brighter.

It just makes me think that if we treated each other this way all the time, how wonderful would our life become? Sure, we all have our grumpy, sour or blah moments, but focusing on other people to smile and laugh with them, or tell them something positive about themselves seems like a most important thing to me, even if the words aren’t many. Something she said, which could seem little, had made my day. Maybe some people live this way every day. I hope to become one of them! Are you up for the challenge? I call for more genuine compliments for people we do, and do not, know! It seems so important in days like these. It IS so important!

More and more “thank-yous”, for all the support and love.
I am more than a wee bit excited, shall we say?!

I see the “critical assessment team” today and my Dr. on the 26th again and he’ll be able to see how I’m faring. So far, feeling much much better. Feeling more “myself”, mind isn’t racing, head’s not in the clouds (well anymore than usual), my thoughts are clearer. I’m sleeping better…just starting to, anyway. I’m not so much of a chatterbox space cadet, as has happened in the past. He he.

I’m taking daily walks now, and practicing meditation, when I feel up to it. I may go do a 20 minute session after writing here.

I can tell I am doing well, because I am organized enough to do some cleaning, cooking and some artwork; like creating the new layout for this blog, which takes some brain-power because I do some coding. (I did it all myself. Cameron only helps me with really tech-ie stuff..he’s taught me a lot that I am able do on my own.)

Cameron and I are hanging in there. He HAS been a big support to me, despite the fact that when I am starting to get border-line manic, I tend lash out at him and blame him for EVERYTHING. We are good friends again, even though some people didn’t have a clue that we fight when I’m ill. I wanted to publicly apologize here to him. I hate to hurt anyone, and he’s the last person I’d want to do a hatchet job on. I’m not sure if it is like this with anyone else with bipolar disorder, but plainly put: it SUCKS.

On the good side, I am eagerly awaiting a call about my eTickets, planning a weekend trip with Daniel to see friends in the country and hopefully getting 2 tickets to see R.E.M. in Philly (with my friend Kelly), through the help of Cameron and his band-wrangling ways. I will not be trying to score them for free, mind you. I want to pay for them! I’ll just have to set my my Etsy shop, now, and do some portraits for people who have asked already- won’t I?

I’ll keep you updated yet again. Any comments on the new layout? I may play around with the layout size, or some extra white space in the masthead sometime down the line. Is the pinky-salmon good? Or too pastel, in your opinion? I wanted something warm. But now I kind of want it to be a warm green…Dunno? Calling all artistic minds!

Here are some current photos of me, so you can see that I’m happier and healthier; Amy, the garden and the gazebo: