9 Moons Ago

after the fight,
I stormed from the
cool of the bluestone house
into the dry dirt yard
my face as hot as my temper.
the dust swirling at ground level.
the dogs followed my furious steps
down to the low paddock
where the lone horse named leo
leaned into the stand of
decades-old eucalyptus trees
that had grown into one another
over the course of several years.
the dogs with noses to the ground
were disinterested in my emotions.
they caught the scent of rabbit and wandered
a little ways off, zig-zagging past one another.
the horse shook his brown head
to fend off flies, so I took my hands
and cradled the long face
as the tickle of his soft nose hit my ear.
I was at peace here.
the land and the animals, my sanctuary.
I continued on, climbing over the wire fence to
where the dogs now had been trying to find
a fresher track. the dam was deep, cool
and the width of a river.
our golden dog jumped straight in,
and then out again,
and I watched the ripples of water flow,
echoing out from his disturbance.
O the memory of the day’s heat,
the bellbirds’ chirping ringing
high throughout the tree tops.
now my mind searches through memory for
other days there. for fascinating kookaburras,
for skinks, blue tongued lizards, cormorants,
storks, and heron and ibis.
i hold on to glimpses of draping
silvery green eucalyptus,
in both long and short leaves.
magpies caroling at dawn, and
a hillside of grey kangaroo cautiously grazing.
errant foxes skipping through the long grass,
swiftly clearing fences in the still-early mornings.
the sulfur crested cockatoo with their
dreadful screeching in flocks above.
the yellow tailed black cockatoo
cheekily squawking to each other in
the stand of tall pines as they feasted upon
green pinecones.
bats at dusk, rats drawn to the horses feed.
spiders of all description:
huntsman are big, but lookout for the redback and whitetails!
Once, a copperhead sunbathing on a rock.
possums growling in the night, and
playing at chase once the stars emerged.
periwinkle, kangaroo paw and freesia growing
wild in the neighbour’s paddock and
the red bottle brush, ever bold.
Our yard dotted with melaleuca bushes.
the reddish sunset, and now anger, for the most part, erased.
The mournful lowing of cattle from a nearby farm.
The dogs barking. the cool of the house always waiting.
These scenes, played over in my mind,
bring both longing and peace.
O my peace,
my piece of Australia!

Today, on her lunch break, my brother’s fiance, Allison, stopped by with a bouquet of red carnations from her and Dan. And I love carnations..and red! Red roses? Not so much. Any other flower in red..yes, yes yes!

Last night was rough..night time can be a doozy sometimes, these days..but today felt pretty good, and I got to visit with good neighbours who have been friends for years.

Watched some R.E.M. footage online ..they have a piece of live footage daily check their website, R.E.M. HQ for details, or follow this link:

ninetynights

..I think it’s filmed till their album comes out. It’s called ninety nights. My fav part? Michael Stipe eye candy. Yeah..I love the music, but have already told you I will always have a crush. Please shut up already.

Actually, no one tells me this is stupid anyway…I mean my Mom calls Tom Brokaw “her boyfriend”. (Shhhh…. you didn’t hear that from me: ixnay on the omtay rokawbay)

More and more “thank-yous”, for all the support and love.
I am more than a wee bit excited, shall we say?!

I see the “critical assessment team” today and my Dr. on the 26th again and he’ll be able to see how I’m faring. So far, feeling much much better. Feeling more “myself”, mind isn’t racing, head’s not in the clouds (well anymore than usual), my thoughts are clearer. I’m sleeping better…just starting to, anyway. I’m not so much of a chatterbox space cadet, as has happened in the past. He he.

I’m taking daily walks now, and practicing meditation, when I feel up to it. I may go do a 20 minute session after writing here.

I can tell I am doing well, because I am organized enough to do some cleaning, cooking and some artwork; like creating the new layout for this blog, which takes some brain-power because I do some coding. (I did it all myself. Cameron only helps me with really tech-ie stuff..he’s taught me a lot that I am able do on my own.)

Cameron and I are hanging in there. He HAS been a big support to me, despite the fact that when I am starting to get border-line manic, I tend lash out at him and blame him for EVERYTHING. We are good friends again, even though some people didn’t have a clue that we fight when I’m ill. I wanted to publicly apologize here to him. I hate to hurt anyone, and he’s the last person I’d want to do a hatchet job on. I’m not sure if it is like this with anyone else with bipolar disorder, but plainly put: it SUCKS.

On the good side, I am eagerly awaiting a call about my eTickets, planning a weekend trip with Daniel to see friends in the country and hopefully getting 2 tickets to see R.E.M. in Philly (with my friend Kelly), through the help of Cameron and his band-wrangling ways. I will not be trying to score them for free, mind you. I want to pay for them! I’ll just have to set my my Etsy shop, now, and do some portraits for people who have asked already- won’t I?

I’ll keep you updated yet again. Any comments on the new layout? I may play around with the layout size, or some extra white space in the masthead sometime down the line. Is the pinky-salmon good? Or too pastel, in your opinion? I wanted something warm. But now I kind of want it to be a warm green…Dunno? Calling all artistic minds!

Here are some current photos of me, so you can see that I’m happier and healthier; Amy, the garden and the gazebo: