9 Moons Ago

Off for a week to go visit a friend in Washington, D.C. Looking forward to that. Now I’ve just gotta finish packing..thought I’d changed, but I guess the medications took care of that! Drat!
Well.. I’ll keep trying to change for the better. There’s always hope!

I found this poem floating around in the air…what’da think?

Sexy Hypnotist

Our fingers laced.
In outer space.
Cryptic crosswords were always there and
I had big white underwear.

Now I’ve got plenty of threads to spare.
So tossed out the pantaloons with care.
And traded them in for knickers with flare.
In hope that you might soon be there.

The care that took you by surprise.
That fateful day you saw my eyes.
Just vanished in tears and wails, no lies.
Now little me, not quite small size

Sits and whimpers and pleads with beggings arms
And knows thats not that way to charm.
It’s strength that makes a beauty warm.
And truth that beauty will not harm.

So I show love as best I can
In places where the heart will mend.
And bother not about the trends
Of fashion which designers lend.

The moral of this story lies
In facts told quite behind the sighs
The tail is truly bunnyish in my
UnAdulterated thighs.

(c) A.L. Miller
May 29, 2005

Learned today that one of my favorite local eateries has started calling “French Fries” “Freedom Fries”. Ummm..the food was delicious, but I thought that kind of fear of French people was a thing of the past.. like WWII and the fear of Germans (”Liberty Cabbage” instead of “Saurkraut”). Let it go people…let it go… we’re all in this together. Although I do not personally know any French people, I know of a few Americans who live there and to whom this would be quite offensive. We’re not all pessimistic boneheads.
On the other hand..let em wear head scarves, France…come on..

And what’s with the fact that not many women artists or directors are well known? Hmm? We need to get the word and the women out there. I’ll be able to do so through my writing eventually. I’d love to be a champion for women in this world. When my mind is more unwound. It’s still like a broken watch, with all the gears and springs sticking out everywhere! Hey Cameron, what’s the name of someone who repairs watches? (No..not watch fixer-upper! ;-))
Is there a proper term for that?! Jeeze, where is an English major when you need one? Anyone out there know?

Anyone out there?!

Is this 20 questions? Not yet!

BLAHHHHHHH to GOOD

BLAHHHHHHH feels like sludge.
Bottom of the Turkish coffee sludge.
You don’t wanna drink it, but
it just happened.

GOOD feels like light.
Breezy air and turning two circles light.
You wanna drink it, lucky
it just happened.

Well, I’m going to apologize here and now for my truly crazy ranting about George Bush earlier on this spring when I was still quite mixed up. I still do not support Bush’s politics, but I support the President at any rate. I think Letterman, The Daily Show and SNL have the right idea…to laugh at politics is good for me. But I admire public dissent from bands and radio personalities who disagree with this administrations policies too. I’m trying to educate myself a little more on politics and how they run in the U.S. anyway. I think a lot of other nations are far more knowledgable on American history and gov’t than Americans themselves. I’m growing up at the same time that tragedy and hardship is haunting me. I want to be active in this someday. But to start learning properly I must get well first. I’ll learn a little now as best I can…

Today was the best of days and the worst of days. The worst only meaning I was a sourpuss and cranky in the early afternoon. So I cried into my ice cream and watched part of a baseball game, and then I was fine. The best part of the day was the late afternoon and evening when I played my opera CDs borrowed from Fr. Charles (thank you!) and got my room the way I want it (now to throw away extra stuff). We had a nice pasta and salad dinner with family around the dining room table. Something which I’d been sorely missing. Then off to my room for the night where I finished straightening up, read, wrote and watched Electron Blue. My passion for music will never die. Thanks Michael, Mike and Peter!
(AND Ken!!)
Now the fan is on and gently wafting the sheer white curtains. This is a sacred place to be.

Teacher

“Teacher” can mean so much and it does.
Teach me so much.
I need to know.

I need the scraps of knowledge.
Like a tiny bird.
Mouth agap.

Wherever I am.
Wherever you are.
Teach me.

I’ll teach you too, by example.
By being myself. By falling and flailing.
And living.

Teachers.
How can I thank you all
In this one lifetime?

By living with ardor.

Well, it’s late and I’m tired, but I thought I’d write for a little while.

54321

Dealing with bipolar depression is not an easy task.
I sometimes find it hard to do the dishes, let alone plant a rose bush,
and yet I get up and do it and somehow it gets done. I’m focusing on
my poverty and want and lack
and trying desperately to focus on the happiness and goodness around me.

But I get mad..really angry, deep down.
Which turns into sadness.
And that fuels my fear.
and fear is no good.

But all good means boring.
And boring we must not, can not, could not have.
To have a happy life.

It’s a cycle.
I’m learning.

Try me.

A.L. Miller
May 2005