9 Moons Ago

Had a nice family dinner last night here. My homemade…yes from scratch!, and no fiasco..cherry pie was really a hit. I’ve been asked to supply the recipe by my brother’s girlfriend. It’s a pretty basic one if anyone else is interested.
I guess you can call things like this, listening to music, and the writing and drawing “highs” since I do get creativity and results, but I was just used to being more “up” last year. It’s understandable I know. And I’ll get back to a place of more balance and happiness. Being bipolar is not my focus right now. That lies in being well enough to make the right choices for myself. So I try and make healthy ones. It’s worked in the past!

Here’s my poem from today’s musings:

Suburban Quiet

Summer is here.
All along the suburban street in mid afternoon is
Quiet.
Birds singing.
The hum of the air conditioners.
The grass silently burning under the oppressive sun.
The wading pool is quiet too, now that the baby has gone back home.
His beach ball floats in lazy circles atop the shallow water.
No sign of people at this time of day.
Either inside or at work, they do not witness the quiet.
Summer is here but this is just
One aspect.

A.L. Miller
June 29, 2005

This is another quick painting I did with the mouse, drawing from a pastel work called “Woman with a Japanese Parasol” by Anna Bilinska-Bohdaniwicz:

I rather like drawing this way for the time being, but I may also start to use the digital camera to photograph larger works if I decide to use pastels myself. I’m thinking of it because I want to join the Illustration Friday gang again sometime soon.
Still up and down emotionally, but doing my best to keep busy. Improving generally, one day at a time. Think I’ll go read a little too. The next book is called “The Secret Life of Bees” by Sue Monk Kidd.

I owe everyone regular mail and email, so please bear with me..I’ll get around to it next week!

I did a drawing entirely on photoshop with a mouse, as an experiment to see how well I could post pictures from home again. That’s why it’s a bit “iffy”, in my opinion. If this works, I should be happier doing my blog so that I can finally show the efforts of my drawings. We don’t have a scanner but maybe we’ll get one sometime. Then I’ll be feeling even better. It inspires me to draw more when I can post things up here.
Things have been going O.K.
Honestly, I’m still depressed..I can tell because I sleep longer and my mood is generally low, thinking about a lot of the stresses I have. So, I’m seeing the doctor at the end of the week and he’ll see how things have been. They did adjust my medications which is good. I should be getting to see a psychotherapist sometime too. I greatly miss the ease of the health care system in Australia. Not much waiting at all.
Talked to Cameron on the phone a couple of times, which is good. I miss him heaps and things are still up in the air, but it’s not so bad to have a break I guess. Maybe we both needed it. Anyway, I’m enjoying my time with my family and my nephew. This is a drawing I took from one of his photos. Please excuse the wonkiness of it, as it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to even concentrate enough to draw.

Not so sure you wanna hear about my dreary existance these days. I’m in that sort of period where everything is dull and boring and nothing much interests me enough to write about it. Not even inspired enough to write a poem. These times come. So I’ve got to just roll with the punches. Maybe it’ll help other people out there who feel they’ve not got a lot to expand upon in their own lives. We all go through it, and at least I’m aware of it.
Yesterday my wildlife viewing came in the form of a parking lot while waiting for an estimate for my Mom’s damaged car. While she was in the office doing paperwork, I sat in the passenger’s seat with the windows rolled down and watched two large robins vying for the territory. When one had chased the other off across the highway, he came back to woo the female who coyly kept jumping away from him. Branch to branch they lightly did the dance of “‘can’t catch me’. ‘o yes I can’”. Then the male went off to another tree to startle the many goldfinches flitting about. They were noisy little buggers, cheep-cheeping the whole time. The grass was nice and green under the trees by a little stream and picnic table. Out in the blistering sun, sat plunked a tall lamp post and the middle of the lawn was dry and dead and turning a nice shade of brown. Just like I would be if I were 22 again and hoping to get a nice sun tan. At the rate it’s going, I’ll be happy to get a swimsuit that I like. Oy vay!

My poetry is back, due to popular demand. As soon as I told people I wasn’t really going to write much poetry anymore, they emailed me to tell me that I must keep it up. So thank you everyone, for your support. I love ya’s, I really do! I’ll try to do a little drawing tonight as well..to keep my hand in it, so to speak.

Somehow the next day becomes easier than the last.
And sometimes the next day becomes a little harder.
But mostly there are improvements
Like being able to write more legibly.
To remember a little more
To string words together in a more complex
And deft way.
To make plans, even if they aren’t on paper yet.
Being able to communicate without faltering as much.
To ease back into smiling and joking.

And to cut the grass with the lawn mower.
It was getting to be a jungle out there.

A.L.Miller 2005