9 Moons Ago

With your help, I am quickly on the mend.

My big news?

I am planning to return home to PA BEFORE Easter, if possible.
I will see the doctor in 2 weeks, have a physical done, maybe a few sessions of talk therapy. Pack only what I dearly love and can not replace. And have the lightest carry-on bag possible. I want to travel lightly. Because I feel lighter in mood, it will be easier to get around, and they have plenty of entertainment on the plane and in the airports. A notebook and journal for ideas, and a magazine or two and my beloved ipod should see me through!

It is exciting, non?!

Today I am going to help Daniel with house-cleaning for a little while, and I’m going to do a bit of shopping for things such as movies, sunnies (sunglasses for you ‘mericans! he he), and travel prices.
I’ll be around online later in the afternoon or early evening, prob.

Have a fantastico day, mis amigos.
Will be in touch for sure!
Aloha, xo Amy

Here’s a very recent picture of me, in my summer hat, playing with our sexy new camera. More picture to come, esp. of the house we’re in now. (Staying at a friend’s place while looking for a new home.):

Thanks so so so much, everyone, for all your beautiful emails, comments, calls and visits. I was so touched by many of them that I cried, in a good way! I will write to everyone, individually, someday when I get back on my feet. Until then, I’ll post updates and email them to you. If you are not on my email list, please let me know if you want me to add you!

I’ve had success in feeling better! Today has been my best day yet, as far as mood and feeling stable. I don’t feel panicky, jittery, nor angry or moody. I am enjoying arranging flowers, gardening, taking pictures of this house and neighborhood that we are staying in, to eventually put up on flickr.

I have done a load of laundry and organized my things a little, so I can find stuff at a moment’s notice! That really feels good.

Been listening to my favorite music and radio stations, and burning candles and some perfumed oil, in a potpourri-type burner that I got from the in-laws for Christmas. I walked the dogs in the park, and because it was slightly drizzly when I did, I had the swing-set to myself. It’s a nice sturdy one, so that’s good. He he. I sometimes see the mums of the children who play there swinging there too. I think more adults should be able to swing on the swingset without feeling silly. I certainly don’t. It’s one of my favorite pastimes!

The dogs sat patiently in the grass, watching me swing (it’s got a large expanse of grass and trees) and after listening and singing along to a few songs on my ipod, I sat down with them for cuddles. Then we trotted happily home and Mum fixed us a nice dinner of pasties & chips (meat pastry pockets and french fries).

I am taking off work for another week and a half at least, and have made some tentative plan for a visit to the city art gallery with a friend or two in a couple of weeks. There are also plans to visit the beach when the weather is good. YAY!

I won’t say when I am coming home yet, but I know when I plan to, and will contact my family to tell them, before announcing anything online. (It’s exciting though!)

But yes, the recovery is going really well.

I had my blood tests done, saw my psychiatrist, will make appts for some talk therapy and a regular physical w/ my GP in the coming weeks. I see the psychiatrist in abt. 3 weeks again too, to keep tabs on how I’m going with everything.

The Critical Assessment Team says that I am doing so well, that they may only need to see me 2 days over the next week. When they stop coming around, is when I know that I am stable enough to handle things as usual.
So, I hope this ‘lil bit of news will reassure everyone.

I am happy, sleeping much better, far less stressed. Went to dinner at a Lebanese restaurant, and to see the movies to see Cloverfield with “the boys”, Dave, Daniel, and Cameron, and our also our friend Anne. After we got home, and Dave and Cameron were talking outside, I came over and they said to me. “Oh yeah.. we’re thinking of going to the movies next week, do you want to go?”

I told them “YES. I but I get to pick the movie next time. I’ll give you several choices, so you’re not locked into a “chick-flick” though”. They said “DEAL.”

Good! Yep.. things at the moment are in the status of “Very very GOOD”!

Steak or chicken on the grill and salad for dinner tonight.
Now I’m off for a short walk down the street, to rent my musicals! I’ll have to do a handful at a time. Too many favourites, but I’ve got them written down.

Will be in touch.
xo Ames

P.S. HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO MY GODDAUGHTER, SHEILA! I can not believe you are graduating and going to University! That means I’m incredibly old! Wasn’t it yesterday that I was buying you Barbies and Philadelphia Flyers t-shirts that were 3 sizes too big?! Love you so much. Give my love to your family too!

After a year of stressful things, I have come to a point where I need to take great care of myself. It is at a critical point.

For those of you who do not know me or my history, I have Bipolar I Disorder, and was first diagnosed with it right after I turned 21. I will not explain the illness in this entry; it is easy enough to look up online.

I just want to let all my friends know what is going on in my life at the current time, in a brief way.

The past two weeks have seen my mental health going downhill quickly, though I was not fully aware of all that meant. The good friends I have at work could see it in me, and they told me to make sure I took care of myself because they could sense my stress. An extremely supportive new friend of mine, who wishes to remain nameless (I think) but who we shall call “fabulous boy” has been a source of calm and plain old silly fun for me. He has seen that I need to be with my main support system back in the U.S.A. and is helping me get to that point as easily and smoothly as possible. I know he wouldn’t want me to say this, but he is the main one (besides my family) who is helping me get back to being myself and to healing myself. I think we joked earlier that right now he is acting as my “life coach”. I’ll see if he’ll eventually let me refer to his name, so long as I am careful with his privacy online.

So, the quick run-down is that I’ve become hypomanic, which is an intense high right before a manic episode may occur, and it is a phase which sees me talking excitedly and fast, having grand plans, feeling super excited and inspired and almost euphoric, and one sign is that I am writing INCREDIBLY long emails. I am rambling long and really fast and sometimes making so sense. Careless spelling mistakes that I’d normally see.

So.. what will I do now?
Tomorrow morning about 9 am, the CAT team (Critical Assessment Team) will come to the house and talk with me. It is a group of drs and therapists and they will see if I need something like a medication adjustment and a few nights of sleeping aids, to get back to an even keel. This step will be important so that it will help me to avoid growing worse and ending up in the hospital.

My mother and Cameron talked over the phone and decided that this was the best thing. I am SO THANKFUL for it. I’ve been too stressed and excited to sleep much at all this past week.
As for the team, I love that they make a housecall! I love that. I don’t know if they do that anywhere in the U.S. They should!

So, please do not worry, my loved ones. If I can write updates once in a while, I will. Or I will have someone post an update FOR me. I can always privately email and talk on the phone to people and go do fun things.. all of that is helpful to relieve my stress levels. Mostly I need rest right now. What has probably put me in this state is insomnia over 2 weeks from stressful decisions and events that have taken place.

I love you all. And I am grateful for all of you who see that I need help, and take care of me, when I can not see what is going on, 100%, myself.

Now for a quick shower and a nap before they come over. I don’t feel depressed at all..quite hopeful and good, really. So all I need to to be much more balanced and brought down to a less agitated, scattered and jittery state of mind.

Talk to you all very soon!

Oh, and Fabulous Boy: yep..chatting tomorrow will be really good. Looking forward to that!

Kisses and Hugs to all, specially those sweet babies!

xo Amy