Going through some major changes in my life, as most of you are aware. I’ve decided to take a month or two off from this website to sort out what I need to do in my life. It could be rough, but I’m going cold turkey. I’ll still post pictures at flickr though. Wish me luck!

You’re happy under him
Write like light, like on a holiday
Whistle while mean friends party
Move wrong, even death, back
17 nice new hot and brilliant touches give hope

A.M. Lehr
June 9, 2008

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of — wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air…

Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, nor even eagle flew —
And, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

“High Flight” by John Gillespie Magee, Jr., Public Domain.

Of Radish Tops on a Plate

There you are
4 buttons of purple-y red and pinky-white
Little disks of salad enhancement
Feathery green remnants on top
So simple, yet
Enough to make a meal just that
much hotter.
Like when I took your hand in mine
and you thought I was about to be sweet
But I slid your fingers
between my own just-washed, but not dried
gentle fingertips, and opened my
pretty mouth.
And popped you in, sucking a little with a shy smile.
It was unexpected
And a little bit, just a little bit, naughty.
Your hands are one of my favorite delicacies.
(I never did hear you object to such
playfulness.)
So, after that came a more spicy advance,
And that salad never did get made properly.
We ate greens with radishes anyway.
And I threw in black olives for good measure.
You threw in the dish towel and succumbed to my wicked game.
Thank God for that.

A. M. Lehr June 2008

Well, I have done it again.
Last week I was in the hospital for a little under a week, to help me get back on track with my sleeping and meds. I have bipolar disorder and have written about it several times already. Feel free to browse the archives. (They are a little messed up at the moment, so it will take some wading, but it’s worth it, in my humble opinion, if you want some insight from someone who lives with this daily.)
The hospital is not the thing that I want to write about at the moment, though.
I want to write about a fun, yet not-so-fun, aspect of this illness.

The celebrity crushes.

I am not sure if anyone else with bipolar disorder routinely suffers from this weird affliction, but I certainly do.

I was first diagnosed with mental illness in 1995, when I’d just turned 21. About September 30, to be exact. At the time I broke down I was at an R.E.M. concert. And my crush was a certain Mr. John Michael Stipe. (I’ll never get over that one, I’m afraid..he was a crush since I was 16. Too bad he’s gay! ;-D )

Well, that crush was the one that lead me to believe that he was in the hospital with me. I told my friend, Tammy, that one over the phone and she half-believed it and was, needless to say, very very confused! Hee hee.

Fast forward to my next hospitalization, and it’s February 2005, Melbourne Australia. I am in the hospital because I believed that Garrison Keillor was sending me dedications over the radio. Yes, everyone reminded me of his age, his looks and that he had a wife and child. That didn’t make it any easier. I decided I needed to get over that one, but it was a painful process. Did I mention that I had a husband at the time? Yes, indeed. That was not my concern. Also, this husband took me to the Melbourne R.E.M. show, where I got to meet Mike and Peter. Can you say “Make the crazy woman even higher without the aid of cocaine?!” Yes, I knew you could! However, since Garrison was supposedly out of the picture, I went back to crushing on Michael and could not believe he had the audacity not to show up to the bar where we were hanging out with the other guys.
I KNOW!

Now it’s three years later and I’m crushing on someone new. He’s 12 years older than me, has grey hair, blue eyes, freckles, is Glaswegian and so hilarious. I watch him at 12:30 am because I knocked out a deal with my family about my bedtime schedule. (Routine is very important when one has bipolar disorder.) He’s a talk show host named Craig Ferguson. I’ve scared my sister good already. I don’t know if she knows, but I’ve read an entire book written by him and watched a movie called “Saving Grace” which he wrote and starred in.. Mom agrees it is great. However, I won’t be trying to email him or get in touch with him because, though I have mental illness, I AM NOT CRAZY! :-D HAaaa.

Crazytown is where I live right now, but it’s not where I want to reside forever. So I’ll crush from afar, and maybe, just maybe I’ll end up crushing on Stipe again after this next concert on June 16…guess who? That’s right! R.E….. oh, you know the story of my life already…. so I’ll just shut up and sigh over this new-to-me drummer/author/actor/writer/comedian. *SIGH*

So, who are YOUR crushes? Crazy or not. Celebrity or nae…